Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
