New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
