i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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