Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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