My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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