So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
