I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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