hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
