I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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