It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
