I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
