woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
