There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
