Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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