Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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