I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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