It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone shattered a urinal.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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