I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
