He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
