i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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