I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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