So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
