I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I want a musical about memes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
