I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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