hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
