would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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