Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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