how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I FOUND THE LEGS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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