i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize