u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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