omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
