I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
