I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
