i love accidental penises.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
