Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
there is glitter all over my balls
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
