Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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