i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
