shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
