Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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