I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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