Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
