we're blogging at a bar
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
