You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
