Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
