i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
