You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
