____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
