I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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