Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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