I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
