Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
