I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
