We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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