Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
