counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
