hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
