In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
