Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
