New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
