you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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