Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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