I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize