We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
