i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
