thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
