Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
