How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
